It’s my Love Life, Please Mind Your Business.

It’s official- I’m in love. I’m sitting at my dining table and I’ve been staring at this plate of noodles since afternoon.

When I first looked upon its steaming persona coupled with its perfect texture I knew I had made magic. I’m still unconvinced that something so perfect could have come from so-imperfect-me.

Maybe I could have resisted its passionate pull. I really tried, believe me, friends but I was undefended against that eggy aroma that was made to seduce even monks.

It’s been four hours now and my noodles are long cold, but I still can’t bring myself to eat even a spoon of it.

I’m doomed in love friends, yes I said doomed because I just heard my noodles say it loves me too. I can’t hold back my tears.

Me. Me! This beautiful plate of boiled eggy noodles loves me! Me, that has searched all my life for someone to accept and cherish me. It chose me over every human in the universe.

Simple me? Oh, how honoured I am. I’m going to live my whole life proving my love to it. I’m going to defend what we have for each other no matter what anyone says.

I just covered my plate of noodles. I’ve decided to keep it frozen. This way, we can be together forever.

Now, do you know anywhere I can get rat poison? I think that’s the easiest murder I can do seeing as I’m only a beginner. I’ll start with my neighbour’s baby, then that baby across the street, then…

So sorry! I forgot to tell you. I was caught up in my preparation. My noodles has requested that I kill three children by this time tomorrow. This is to become a regular- three children per day. I’ve never done this before but for the sake of our love, I’m willing to try it out.

How do I know it’s my noodles speaking to me?

Are you trying to insult us and this love we’ve found in each other? How do YOU know when you hear the voice of YOUR lover?

No! I won’t listen to you any longer. I’m determined to stand by my love. After all, my basic human right still exists and it is MY love anyway.

What gives you the right to judge me and my passions. I did not make myself this way. This was in me since I was born but it took the right partner to help me realise it. I and my noodles were made for each other.

What do you mean by asking how I am sure it’s love? It’s love because I, yes “I” said so.

But what makes you think you have the right to judge me? You don’t see me questioning your own love right?

Why do you mutter, “foolishness” under your breath when you read my love story? You do me bad because there’s really no line to measure this “feeling” in our bowels.

What makes my love “wrong” and yours “right”. We are our own standards so don’t complain.

No. I won’t listen to that. No moral, emotional or societal standard can ever stand in the face of this love of mine. If A is allowed to choose then I should too be allowed that absolute freedom.

So what if my Love will produce 3 deaths per day? It only proves that it’s a unique situation. Love should never be questioned, I say! I call it love that should be enough for you. Or am I no longer allowed to love because mine kills? Haha, don’t confuse yourself, dear. I’m quoting the same right you quote, fool. We’re the same- you and me.

Who’s that? Oh you, stop!

Why did you bring that up! I’ve been trying to ignore but here you are standing in my face.

You mention God’s standard and see, you’ve taken all my defences from me. You say God’s definition of love is only allowed and it makes sense to me, somehow. Why!

I can accept that. The moment the person that measures my action is no longer human but divine, I can accept it.

Hmm. Indeed, I have to agree with you. When we weigh Shechem and Dinah’s romance tale; Amnon and Tamar’s too, the only thing that can condemn their actions irrespective of the intense passions they had, that same one that led to their wicked choices is not moral or societal codes but divine law.

You’ve convinced me. If God says what I feel for my noodles is not really love but something perverted and corrupted then I believe him.

Since I have fallen short of God’s standard, I will now look to him to retrace my steps and to have the strength to pursue his love.

Since there can never exist any passionate godly love between me and my noodles, I will now proceed to eat my frozen noodles.

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