Faith,  Lifestyle

Lord, When Can I Practice This My Hot Slap?

I said I would not talk but I can’t hold myself. I said I would fashi the matter but my body is doing me somehow. I said, “Chioma, wait till tomorrow when you may be calmer but my blood dey boil.”

How can you be meeting a sister for the first time to tell her about your intention to pursue a relationship with her and the next thing is to reach for any of her private body parts, to kiss her or even to ask for one?

How dare you?

I said how dare you?

Is your brain paining you abi it is missing entirely? Oga Christian brother answer this question for me, please.

I’m angry because it is you o, Oga Christian. How can you look at us finish and demote us to such a lovely level? A whole Daughter of Zion? The King of the Earth’s Daughter? Who do you think we are? Abeg, someone should hold me o.

In the old days, many lost their hands and even lives for an inappropriate discussion not to mention a touch. E gbami o. Abi, you use to touch weed once in a while ni?

Even people that attend British schools hold themselves high so what do you expect from us attending The Spirit School? Look at someone we thought was in this same school as us. Not knowing it was only attendance he has been marking. We did not know this oga was still in Kindergarten. I mean these things are basic matters na.

In case you did not know, we have concluded on this matter of sexual purity since sef. Where is this one coming from?

Oga, did you think all the messages we’ve been listening to were for show? Or that we attend services because of Sunday dress? Bros, we have fed from the Word of Light in case you are new here. What is this nonsense?

Even if we were not Christians. Which Hollywood film did you learn this one from? “I’ve liked you from the first moment I set my eyes on you. I would like us to date.” Then go for a kiss? Heiheihieiheihei, my chest is paining me.

You look at a Daughter of God and you try to begin her courtship in such a…..a…..a… I’m even lost for words. You are lucky her angel did not slap your head backwards. Go and thank God for his mercies. He is indeed gracious. And I know why that Angel allowed you to go Scot free. It’s because of that sister. Yes, it’s because of you, sis.

My sister, you also need to ask for mercy because you have failed God. Baba was expecting you to be an instrument of “restructuring,” a weapon of “light,” a sword of “correction” and a hand of “markings.” In case you did not know, Baba summoned the heavenly records to check if you had complained about pain in your hand earlier. He was surprised that you did not bless that brother with a Slap of Remembrance; that type that he will give as a testimony for years to come as what God used to give him a revelation of truth.

And look here bro, we don’t need your apology. If you have a problem with lust then you have NO business looking for a partner. Go and settle this matter before tying a young lady into a future of heartbreak. Ahahn, abi it is that your brain has evaporated under this hot Nigerian sun?

Forgive my language but this is not a moment for petting. We are all being helped by God! All of us. But you see us having self-respect abi not? I hear of brothers sending their private parts to sisters at night. God when! When will you use me, o Lord? May your phone not explode in your hand. See, wo, all of us were not raised in the same place o. May you not be unfortunate, bro.

Sister, sometimes you need to allow yourself to be used by God to help others. I don’t know why I don’t hear this kind of story. God when! Ohhhh, God when can I practice this my slap, ehn.

You see this is the reason we tell sisters to be careful. It is not everything you collect and eat. When you swallow what you are not supposed to, you will not be able to raise your hand. When you engage in stupid discussions this is what to expect. When you pick up weird calls at 11 pm, what do you expect?

Set boundaries! Set boundaries!

Sisters when you wake up every morning, while you are worshipping God, also take time to exercise your fingers. E get why. There’s even this hand tool sef. I’ve done some research for you. Some are as cheap as 5000 naira.

And I hear this matter can be the other way around. I’m hearing that sisters could even be the sexually harassing ones. Chai. Deliver your Church, Lord. Please, I do deliverance, sis. Come to my DM.

Ahahn, what is this one again? Abeg who are we fighting? The world or ourselves? These things should not be heard among us. It should not be!

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Hi, I'm Chioma Jeremiah. I'm passionate about helping my community see the beautiful light that each day brings. My goal is to inspire you with everything that will make each read the best for you.


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