Did I hear You Ask If He’s ‘The One’?
One sunny day during my service year, this young man walked up to me at the parade ground, called me his sister and swore he was ready to marry me. He’d called himself my brother cause we were one of the few Igbo’s present on that camp.
Then he swore he was ready to pay my dowry soonest because he had loved me from the moment he saw me, and apparently done the calculations leading to the conclusion that I would make the best bride.
The poor guy. He must have done a lot of research and seen how girls swallow the “marriage/dowry” hook. Too bad.
This was the same guy that I had seen at the Maami market trying to beat all his ancestors’ drinking records. His friends were noise markers on the parade ground, analyzing women’s bodies, giving catcalls, making crude statements, rebelling against authority and didn’t sound like they attended their higher institution themselves. And this is not me exaggerating.
I looked him straight in the eyes when I said, “That’s nice but the problem is I don’t believe in choosing my husband myself. If you ask my father for my hand and he accepts then you can come to me and we’ll talk more”.
He looked very happy and encouraged. “Of course! Once everything is settled, I will come to him but before then let’s be together…”
“No.” I smiled as I cut him short to explain that he’d misunderstood me. I wasn’t referring to my biological father. Since I’m a Christian, he must ask my Heavenly Father for my hand. It was only proper.
You should have seen the look on his face. The poor man must have thought I was mad. He had a confused, comical look as he searched my face waiting for the punchline of the joke.
I felt hot embarrassment pool at the nape of my neck for my bold statement amidst other ears too but I kept my face straight and shook it off.
This man’s next sentence was to assure me that he might not look it but he was also a Christian.
Let me use this opportunity to thank the Lord God of Israel, who has always prevented my laughing disease to come out at the MOST important moments or I would have rolled on the ground then (Still pray for me though).
I further explained that when he asks and my father permits him, we could then proceed to the next stage of talks. Then I left.
He did try two other times but when my answer did not change, he must have abandoned the maniac. No regrets here. He did not look like someone who knew the road to Abba’s house in the first place.
I specially preserve the “ask my father” line for unbelievers and carnal Christians. That would not be the first time either.
An old friend reconnected with me after some 5years and I had to use this same answer. He thought I was playing hard to get while low-key insulting him. I don’t blame him for the misunderstanding. During those years we lost communication, I had changed Kingdoms and he could not get that.
You’d ask what if they came back with a positive answer from “God”? Simple, I’d say I was not receiving the same answer so “no”. After all, can two work together except they agree? (Amos 3:3)
Why Am I Saying This?
I’ve seen a strange occurrence among my brethren, and stranger prayer points from sisters of my faith who often forget that they too have changed Kingdoms. Let’s not downplay this thing: My sister you’re practically dead to the world.
When men of clearly, obviously questionable character make a pass at you or officially ask you out at work or home do you decide to take it to God in prayer to confirm his request?
A man you saw at the junction at night with his hands down a lady’s buttocks and his lips all over her; or one that uses abominable language or while he’s still speaking to you; or you always smell weed on him, or he’s always seen with people known for selling hard drugs?
Then after seeing any of these things, perhaps cause he’s handsome, rich or you’re getting older, you go down on your knees to seek God’s face on if he’s His will for your life? Do I hear you say, “Is he the one, o Lord?”
I wish God opens some of our eyes to see HIS face at some of our prayer requests. If you did, you’d hear the Holy Spirit expressly speaking to you:
“Clarify the question, my dear, are you asking me if he’s the one that will punch your eyes out? Or that will swallow your destiny?”
“Or maybe you’re asking if he’s the one that will tell you about his two children two years into the marriage? Or will use your head for money rituals?”
On a serious note, what exactly are you asking about? Oh sorry, you said you’re not praying, only thinking about it, simply imagining what it would look like?
Then God must open your eyes to see your Angel soaking a cane in water so that he can help your imagination better. There’s nothing better than virtual reality. Really.
Spend your prayer time on better things. God’s will for you has always been clear:
i. You must SURELY marry of your kindred i.e your faith (Ruth 3:2). Mind you, I did not say your tribe or country.
ii. You must NOT be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14) or you won’t last.
Focus your prayer on searching God’s will but stop praying uninformed and silly prayers. Let’s become rugged in doing God’s will irrespective of what our flesh wants. Believe me, that’s my prayer every time.
The more you meditate on God’s word, the better you’ll be at having an answer when these occurrences come your way.
Rest in God, keep waiting and Abba will settle you with the best from his flock.
Peace be unto you!
I love hearing from you so please drop a comment 💓.
how girls swallow the “marriage/dowry”…hahaha whay is it like this with our sisters?
I believe it’s because girls are groomed to aspire to marriage from an early age. “Learn how to cook for your husband”
“Learn how to sweep for your husband.”
Never about themselves. With time, we are configured to expect and look forward to that “beautiful day” with all our hearts, and less on the “marriage”.
Wow,I never so it that way.You have a way of bringing out clarity through your work.
Keep up the good work!
Thank you sir!
Funny but full of truth. More Grace ma’am.
Thank you, Lois
Nice Job! More grace Chioma
Thank you, sir
I appreciate it
Hmmm… Two can only walk together except they agree.
Compromise is not an option no matter what.
No it’s not Jessica🏋️.
Thank God for his grace.
Hmmmm beautiful piece and inspiring piece. I pray all our Genzyy Babes have this kind of Godly boldness and self worth. Coz there are many wolves in sheep clothings out there. But who could have blamed the guys?? Our Sisters also want a spirit-filled brothers with a sprinkle of Olamide’s swag, garnished with Hushpuppie’s kinda money and life style. May God Open our eyes truly 🙏🙏Weldone darling 😊😊
You have spoken truth. May God purge our desires and deliver us from evil.
Thank you for this comment, Eniola Kings
I guess he wanted to play smart. He no know say he miss road. And that your laugh ehn na Baba God go settle that one.
Amen, it is settled. 😂😂😂😂
I love your reply.
That’s the response of the daughter of a King who knows who she is.
Sure, we are not of this world. We only become one with our kind in the kingdom.
Yes, I hear you.
Clement Okechukwu Attamah
Insightful and truth-filled message. Many more grace, ma
Thank you sir🙏
This was an interesting and hilarious read. Your reply to that man was brave and epic!. Well done, Chioma. I love this.
Thank you, West
Your reply was spirit filled, knowing you do not belong to yourself or have a will of your own but Abbas will…. The angel soaking cane to enhance imaginations cracked me up so bad😂😂😂😂…
About your laughing syndrome I’lld intercede on your behalf 😂
Thanks chioma for this striking piece,I love it💖💖
This is the best answer to give to those kind of men
Your write up are always amazing
Thank you for this
You inspire me so much
Your reply was outstanding
You inspire me so much
Your reply was outstanding