As a new believer, I could not help but suspect God of being a low-key psychopath. I just could not get him. I had been living life without troubles and trials blissfully ignorant of spiritual requirements or the realm then here he comes.
He saves my soul from sin and we were being taught to: “call upon him and he will answer.”
So I began to pray…or try to but after months of panting and hoping that he would answer my heart’s cry for help to please HIM, I receive nothing. Nothing.
The different prayer coordinators in my fellowship all had one prayer point in common: “Cry onto the Lord! He must help us! We will yet pray! Don’t mind anybody around you, Cry, my brother! Ask the Lord to deliver you!” On and on they would go on.
That was how we would pray and pray. Still, no visible answer. We were being ignored by him that told us to see him! So the thought would boil in my heart again: “God is a psychopath!” Maybe he only loves to see us cry and writhe on the floor in pain. Maybe he was sitting somewhere going, “MWA HA HA HA” as he pointed and watched us plead for help.
There were times I would jeer at him in anger, then my emotions would switch immediately to doubt. “Perhaps I was not being heard at all and God is a made-up concept”.
Often when I had cooled off, he would whisper again, “If you don’t believe me, why are you here? Why are you still praying?” Because somehow I always did continue praying.
I simply believed he was hearing, therefore the cycle of writhing for help would start all over again. At a later time, I learnt in my weakest state to chant, “God is not a psychopath! God is not a psychopath!” until I found rest for my rebellious heart.
I laugh now thinking about such times because I’ve learnt a teeny bit about God since then. You see, God is a mother. Let me explain.
If you visit the hospital on some days, you might happen to see a mother bring in her baby for the not-compulsory-but-recommended-age-required immunization shots.
Many times the little one feels betrayed by the person he trusts the most. The same person watching a stranger stick a sharp painful stuff into his arm.
That’s where his tears come from- a feeling of pain magnified by betrayal. My mum says that’s the reason my baby cousins cry more bitterly when I punish them than they do if it were another of my siblings. Turns out I’m supposed to be the one on their side always… then sometimes I’m not. Forgive me, my loves.
God is exactly like that mother. She does not mind what her baby thinks of her then. If he’s at speaking age, no matter how many “nos,” he begs her with, she’ll still take him to that hospital for his shot.
He may throw a tantrum at the doctor, nurses and everyone around that day but minutes later mummy brings a stick of lollipop and his hand is wrapped tightly around her neck as she pays the bills and carry the little hiccupping child home while patting his head.
Two days later, the baby boy does not remember the ordeal while he’s a healthy boy running after his puppy and building sand castles. He has probably forgiven mummy too by then until she has to take him back for more shots😅.
The things the Lord puts you through are all for your own good. ALL. Rest in him so the process can be fast. Also, be careful to know when it’s the Lord and not a miserable homeless man dragging you off for an experiment!
Turns out God is still Good! He was yesterday he still is today.
Lamentations 3:32-33 (GNT) :
“He may bring us sorrow, but his love for us is sure and strong. He takes no pleasure in causing us grief or pain.”